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:	post by CharlesMungus at 2005-02-12 21:04:16

Being so close to the band, it can be easy to get caught up in these promiscuous escapades but I am proud to say that I have never had sex with any of the members, their mothers, their girlfriends, or their girlfriend's mothers.

YOU BETTER ASK SOMEBODY MOTHERFUCKER, it is so fuckin great to see this band focused upon for a few minutes (at least). Greatest fuckin picture section, good thing you left out that Burger King hat that somehow fit Alan perfectly, pun highly intended.
Return to the pit has been so good to Goratory, since the very beginning there's only been about two or three shows in New England that this site hasn't covered. Serious Cred, Rev, serious.
I have known this band for a long ass time, maybe too long. All pre-6th grade stories aside, I remember thinking Alan was the baddest motherfucker on the planet for wearing black nail polish and having marylin manson posters in his locker and Adam introducing me to metal via Napalm Death's "From Enslavement to Obliteration" while fuckin Daisy Fuentes told us "ain't nuttin but a g thang" was #1 again. And Max used to sell me drugs.
Some of the best times of my life were spent at the old Goratory practice space with Dana makin fuckin drinks in the blender while Nick's trying to get his swerve on with like 8 chicks from Alaska, with the band playing "Shout at the Devil", Max drinking his patented "budweiser and captain's", with hippie chicks and local bands and everybody dancing, i mean pitting, pitting. Drinking down there after the Cephalic/Dying Fetus show with Max and myself trying to contain the LSD-induced madness of these "core members" you speak of (take that nazi metal bands). The amount of toxicants and trash that the practice space floor obsorbed over the years truly impresses me. One square inch of the floor is worth 6o bills if you sling it on the corner. I remember my ex-girlfriend literelly being scared for her life at the Box of Knives show (still the best American date, hands down)you can see why in the pictures.
The music that these freaks make is not empty musical violence. Darren is a fucking scientist (and it's spelled fuckin BERKLEE, cred.) and Alan is a fucking madman. I remember spending the holidays at Alan's girls place and having our friend (who later totalled alan's car in a terrible accident) out on the back lawn on stilts getting shot at by alan equipped with a bee bee gun and myself armed with various bottles and broken ornaments. brian hunting season.
I brought a girl home from school one weekend , trying to show her a good time by bringing her down to band practice and party. As we got a few drinks in us, Jay began to ask this girl about her menstrual cycle. This was between Intercorpse and OID and they were searching for samples. Jay interrupted her to go out to his car and grab his tape recorder from the car and proceeded to tape record her personal period observations until the tape ran out. A lot of talk about black gunk.
The rejected song title pool is my favorite: Necroincest(mason), Vaginal Aneurysm(macalpine), Pounding the Colostomy Socket(parente), Penial Blender(parente), Ziploc Surprise(parente) Your Cunt Looks Like An M-80 Went Off Inside A Dixy Cup Full of Ham Salad(santello), Pacific Blumpkin (pappas) Count Poopula and the Choco Flavored Butt Flakes, Part of you Well-Balanced Fuckfest (cantor, mason, glassman, st. germaine)and many more. Some of my fine contributions have been: Sexual Intercorpse, Total Eclipse of the Fart and Get Drunk or Die Trying (the tour.....bitches).
I don't mean to come off belligerant (p.i) but if any band has a more disgusting, brutal, or interesting band history, drummer or lead composer speak now or forever crap your pants. like, I feel like a pussy for not having at least stabbed one of my bandmates. And the only non-drumming performer from New England with better syncopation and rythmic technique than Adam Mason is Chick Corea.
All that business aside I by no means want to speak for the band as a whole but, I strongly suggest, take some acid and go to a Goratory show. Chances are someone will be there to punch you in the face, hump your leg or feed you booze, or all three at the same time.

If anyone is down for having a five year reunion/roast for these drugged out downsyndrome fucks I'm game, I'll bring the P-Funk.
I'll leave you with some Goratory trivia, take care, hope to see you on the 26th!
1.What was the first song ever to be penned by Goratory and what release is it on?
2.Who did the graphics for the "Wrestling With Feces" promo disc?
3.Where was the very first Goratory show?
4.Who is Magoo? (actually Twisted Sacrifice trivia)
5.Where was Goratory playing when a fight broke out between the owner of the club and members of Acephulus?
6.Name every ex-member of the group ever. Hint there are 7 not including Ryan from Compost Pile.
7.Where did Goratory first meet the owner of their record label AMPUTATED VEIN?
8.Who is the owner of Amputated Vein records?
9. What does Alan's left ancle read?
10. What is the name of Alan's forthcoming side project CAN OF LAY's album?
bonus question:where did the group celebrate Adam's 18th birthday when we were on the road with Fat Joe in tow?

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