I've been waiting my whole life for this moment, just refreshing the CHEATriots clubhouse page in hopes of catching a breaking story. Maybe the CHEATriots just signed Mike Cloud to the practice squad. Maybe they cut Matt Cassel, but rest assured as a lifelong Jets fan and man on a mission, I will be there with the wittiest first comment in the history of sports, the internet and human communication.

I've already worn out my C and H keys doing reps so I can type out CHEATRIOTS and BELICHEAT the instant John Clayton clicks publish. I've taken to memorizing the entire roster and coaching staff so my repartee will have maximum impact. For instance, Kyle Eckel was a Midshipman and the instant he's cut I've got a juicy (and timely) joke about the Village People, followed up of course by something assailing the CHEATRIOTS and BeliCHEAT for not supporting the troops. Or take the aforementioned Mike Cloud, it's really going to put some bees in some Pats fan's bonnet when I reference the fact that his surname would make an excellent place to video tape opposing teams' defensive signals from. StratoCHEATulus perluciCHEATS. Any story on Tom Brady I'll be quick to fire off something about how he left behind a bastard child with that poor Moynihan broad while he was SURPRISE SURPRISE CHEATING on her with Gisele. And should Randy CHEATWIFEBEATER (nickname copyright mine) Moss do anything remotely newsworthy I'll be the first to complain about how he's a truly classless individual who once mimed mooning the Packer faithful (easily one of the most disgraceful moments in NFL history)

And of course, once someone mentions the fact that my beloved Jets sucked last year I'll call them out on their bandwagon fanhood. Everyone knows that nobody in New CHEATland paid attention to the CHEATriots until about Week 8 of the 2007 season, it's a scientific fact.

Oh and just so you know I'm a diehard I'll be signing all of my posts with my longtime username, JETS-FAVRE-XLIII

Oh yeah, and one more thing, 18-1 (please ignore the fact that the Jets finished 4-12 and let me enjoy the CHEATRICHEATS' failure in peace)