Denny’s is in the middle of a new Hobbit-themed promotion.

Before I say one more word I want you to seriously consider what I just said. DENNY’S! I’ve talked about Denny’s before, but let me make something clear: I like to build my own grandslam but I despise Denny’s, and when I discovered that they were partnering with the Hobbit I flipped out.

That’s NOTHING compared to how much I flipped out when I saw that they’re offering “Radagast’s Red Velvet Pancake Puppies.”

Is anybody else pissed about this? For the love of all that is holy.

For those of you that don’t know, Radagast is a wizard from the Lord of the Rings universe; and just like all wizards he is given a specific color. Remember how Gandalf was “the Grey” and Saruman was “the White”? Actually when Gandalf came back he was suddenly “the White” and had a new cloak and staff, remember?

So what color do you think Radagast is?

BROWN! Radagast the freaking Brown!!!

I seem to recall seeing “Red Velvet Pancake Puppies” on Denny’s menu within the last year. You mean to tell me that Denny’s—the powerhouse brand that America loves so much it’s being associated with some of the most anticipated films in history—is recycling an old menu item and presenting it as new, while SIMULTANEOUSLY associating RADAGAST THE BROWN with RED pancakes?!?!

AAAAAH!

And to top it all off, the Twitter mobile site doesn’t seem to work for me anymore, so I wasn’t able to tweet about this and demand an answer from Denny’s until hours and hours after I discovered it.

Talk about first world problems—I got middle earth problems!