best simpsons quote?

any quote after season 9 is automatically disqualified and gives joe christianni full permission to give you a totally oiled up homo-erotic back massage. also, joe christianni sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers.

"Oh...That?? Dat's da Stingah.......they dont use those no more."

"this baby could flash Fry a buffalo in 8 seconds"

"but I want it noowwwww"






And also, it's not really a quote, but when Homer was trying to gain weight to get on disability and he rubbed the fish sandwich against the brick wall, the wall became transparent and a bird tried flying through it.

Any 'Smithers is gay' reference.

I never pay attention enough to know any Simpsons quotes

Otto: "The call them fingers, but I've never seen them fing."

But Marge, It's uterUS, not UterYOU.

todd not at home is disqualified. joe chrisitanni is waiting for you in the "its raining men" conga line.

skullfucked said:

shut up, that fingers quote is awesome. there are plenty of great episodes after season 9.

WRONG. i guarantee that by season 24 homer getting a cell phone and the wacky antics that follow aren't going to be as funny after 234th time. it's dead to me.

"this should provide adequate sustinance for the dr. who marathon"

skullfucked said:

It got pretty lame after the the first 3.

simpsons hasn't been funny since I was like.. 8.

I think 7 and 8 were probably two of the best seasons.

Oh no, I got disqaulified, by a chick that looks like a tranny

There have been outstanding episodes in every season. Cumulatively, though, the last season was the least consistent in maintaining high quality, and it would be unfortunate if this is the beginning of a trend.

ShadowSD said:

I don't think the episodes are getting worse, I just think every other show is getting funnier and raising a bar that the simsons can't meet.

after watching the aqua teen hunger force, if anyone tried making me watch the simpsons, I'd smash my face into a mirror.



find me a mirror, I'll prove it.

Hmmm... never watched that one, I saw short skits of it on Cartoon Network during commercial breaks of Family Guy, and what I saw was stupid and not the least bit funny. Maybe I should give a full episode a chance...

I agree with you though in the sense that The Simpsons was the ONLY edgy cartoon when it came out, and it's a different playing field with South Park and Family Guy pushing the envelope.

I still think the last season of The Simpsons was weaker on its own merits though, because for the first time, I got the sense that for certain episodes, the writers weren't familiar with the show's history. The first episode of the season was a total retread of a generic Homer/Marge conflict, and started with Lisa questioning why her dad was into watching football ("Daddy Daughter Day" episode, anyone?) It was the first genuine retread where I felt the writers were not in on the joke; at least in that Duncan episode a few years back, the Comic Book Guy popped up and gave them shit about it ("The Simpsons already HAD a horse.")

SMELLS LIKE OTTO'S JACKET

the thing is that shows like ATHF are set up to entertain people who just like ridiculousness and ADD type humor...nothing wrong with it, it's actually perfect since people have no attention span these days.

That's why shows like The Simpsons (who have tried to become Family Guy) have gotten less popular and South Park has to be constantly more and more controversial to get people to pay attention...but South Park I think is the funniest cartoon going strong these days.

I really like The Boondocks, but it's definitely not for everyone.

huh

Todd not at home said:

There are so many awesome quotes I don't think I could pick just one... pretty much anything Harry Shearer does. I have laughed my ass off at so many Smithers/Burns exchanges, and even the most cynical people here have to admit that at least those exchanges have been of consistently high quality for the show's entire tenure.

On another note, I find it impossible to believe the earlier assertion that someone could only enjoy The Simpsons until 7 or 8 years old, because 90% of the best jokes on that show are subtle, ironic, intelligent, and you miss them if you blink; many of them include social and political subject matter that require some experience to put into context. There's no way an 8 year old kid is even going to catch most of those jokes, let alone comprehend them. I would be concerned whether someone who didn't find it interesting after eight years old is still not able to get those jokes today (not really an insult, since The Simpsons is the smartest show currently on television).

animalrampage said:

"...oh there they go!"

From the same episode:

Otto: "Oh right, I *married* that chick..."

LOBO

LOBO

BRING BACK SHERIFF LOBO!!!

Or from Otto's wedding episode...

Otto's Chick: "You invited Poison to play at our wedding?!"

Singer: "We're not Poison, we're Cyanide, a loving tribute to Poison."

Drummer: "WE NEED A RIDE HOME!"

xmikex said:



Is there some sort of point to this picture?

dwellingsickness said:


I just want to make sure it's clear that it is the FAR gate. Can you not see it has a mohawk and wheelchair?

dwellingsickness said:

yeah. It's there to make retards ask questions.

ShadowSD said:

don't know if I missed something...but the only time I noticed 7 and 8 noticed in this thread was when I said that I thought seasons 7 and 8 were the best seasons...not the age of the people who like the show. But of course I could be overlooking something and being careless. Frankly, I'm just enjoying the feeling that typing is giving me at this very moment so I'm just going to keep going until it isn't fun anymore. Actually, it's not really all that fun right now. Ok, I'm done.

davefromthegrave said:


Or people that are in wheelchairs, that may take offense for a personal dig.

brian_dc nli said:

ehhh....dunno bout that.
Always Sunny/Arrested Development/Entourage even....

also....starved/ nip/tuck/ rescue me.

Six Feet Under....sigh... wish it was still on

not enough people are quoting.


"Look at the weak little baby! Youre stupid!....Stupid weak baby!"

powerkok said:


ah, this confused me...ShadowSD said that, not me.

I would agree with Six Feet Under if it was still on. Luckily, I don't watch enough TV anymore to really have a great opinion on that.

i miss having HBO, i loved their programming

Todd not at home said:

and if i was, my dick would still be bigger than yours, TODD.

"it's just a little airborn; it's still good, it's still good!"

Great...anonaho strikes again....weakling.

some quotes i particularly enjoy:

one of the ailens from treehouse of horror 3: "that man with the board with the nail in it may have defeated us.....but soon they'll make bigger boards with bigger nails; one day they will make a board with a nail so big it will destroy them all.... ha ha....hahahah...hahahhahahahahahahahahaa....hahahahahahahaha..."

homer: "that timmy o'toole is a real hero"
lisa: "why is he a hero?"
homer: "well, he....he fell down a well!"

from the episode with spinal tap, in the scene where the radio show hosts are interviewing spinal tap:
tap member 1: "i can't think of anyone who's benefited more from the fall of communism than us"
tap member 2: "except for the people who actually live in communist countries"
tap member 1: "oh yeah, i hadn't thought of that"

Otto: "homer had a piece of food stuck on his face for three days....and it wasn't little either, it was a chicken wing!"

Mr Burns: "Bah! Dogs! Think about it smithers; if i came over to your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you - what would you say?"
Smithers: "umm....if you did it, sir...?"


Ned Flanders: that's it young man, no bible stories for you tonight!"
Todd: (runs upstairs crying)
Maude: "weren't you a little hard on him?"
Ned: "well you knew i had a temper when you married me!"

Rev. Lovejoy: "Damn Flanders!"

Homer: "oh lisa, that's just a load of fresh creamery butter!"

Marge: "i hope the spinal taps don't play too loud"
Homer: "oh marge i've been to thousands of heavy metal concerts and it never hurt me" (shows marge talking but all homer can hear is a constant ringing in his ears)

Spinal Tap member: "i just looked out there, and there's water all over the freakin' stage!"
Concert Man: "i'm not gonna lie to you, six days a week the place is a hockey rink"
S.T. Member: "well this is a rock concert, not the bleedin'....splish-splash show!"

Spinal Tap member 1: "well, it looks like some silly twit did not put in enough oxygen, but that's supposed to be a devil!"
ST member 2: "filled with air it is very evil and impressive looking!"
"we salute you, our half inflated dark lord!"

ned: it was my first and last raspberry schopps

(flashback)
maude: did you clip anne landers?
ned: anne landers is a boring old biddy
maude: NED!

whiskey_weed_and_women said:

One word:
Deadwood.


Fucking Cocksucker.

Skinner has a lot of really good ones

"Order, order. Do you kids wanna be like the real UN or do you just wanna squabble and waste time?"

"That's two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie, the children are over-stimulated. Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms."

"Students I have an announcement, one of your favorite comic book heroes, Radio Man..."
"Radioactive Man!"
"...strange I should'nt have been able to hear that.....anyway, a hollywood studio has decided to film the radioactive man movie here in Springfield. And they will be holding auditions to find a local youngster to play fallout boy. Oh, and the air conditioner will be fixed this afternoon."

"Attention. All honor students will be rewarded with a trip to an archeological dig, conversely, all detention students will be punished with a trip to an archeological dig."

powerkok said:

Yeah, I thought it was, It is kinda sad people still need to use that, seeing as they can't come up with something original. Oh, Well carry on I suppose. It is kinda funny though, that all the woman bashing that goes on, on this site, That people would come to her defense

O well nothing, pound faces in!!!!!!
And fuck that skeezer sideways.....
Get off the internet and do the dishes, pig!!!



There.

powerkok said:

behave yourself. we're dropping this now. cool?

brian_dc nli said:

I was referring to what Niccolai said at the beginning of this thread.

powerkok said:

Yeah, Six Feet Under was brilliant, I didn't include it though because it's no longer currently on television. But if you set that aside, I think you can definitely argue that Six Feet Under (and Sex in the City for that matter) are also right there at the top along with the The Simpsons. Out of the other shows you listed, I have only seen Rescue Me, only because our singer/bassist wanted to watch an episode; I really like Denis Leary, but this show bored the fuck out of me and I didn't laugh once for the entire hour (although maybe it's one of those series you have to watch for a while to appreciate what's going on). But basically, my general opinion about the big four networks in the last decade is that they've been cesspools with absolutely nothing to offer me (with the exception of Fox's cartoons).

alright alright alright......

1. Simpsons WAS one of the most intelligent programs on television. It was a brilliant satire for years, now it's caved into the same pandering, and groveling for laughs that it always made fun of in other sitcoms. Homer might as well be a UPN caliber character at this point. It's insulting.

2. Sex In the City an intelligent show? The punchline to every joke is "So then I went home and masterbated with a dildo." An hours worth of boring broads sitting around talking about sucking off dudes, getting older by the second. That show was painful. And any one of those dry witted bitches would have let me stick a Warlock guitar up their ass, body first.

3. Arrested Development, and the Office are the two best comedies on television right now. Both highly original, use a great mix of both subtle, and over the top humor, well thought out, and unfortunately doomed. Neither of those shows will be around a year from now because all great shows like that are doomed. Is Arrested Development still on the air?

4. How about The Cosby Show? To date one of the most subversive sitcoms ever. Instead of doing yet another sitcom about illiterate poor black people sitting around getting poorer and stupider they did a show about intelligent black folk. Instead of another outrageous premise about robot daughters, or aliens or something stupid they went for realism. It pissed off black people, and it pissed off everyone who'd eventually watch Alf but they were still on the air for almost a decade. Great show.

Homer: Well, I need something for my son's birthday.
Owner: Ah, perhaps this will please the gentleman. (points to a talking Krusty doll) Take this object. But beware! It carries a terrible curse.
Homer: Oooh, that's bad.
Owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt!
Homer: That's good!
Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed.
Homer: That's bad.
Owner: But you get your choice of topping.
Homer: That's good.
Owner: The toppings contain potassium benzoate. (Homer stares blankly) That's bad.
Homer: Can I go now?

Timing is the key to delivering this joke. They don't have timing like this on the Simpsons anymore.

good cause i got a hot date tonight BZZZT
a date BZZZZT
dinner with friends BZZZZT
dinner alone BZZZZT
aariiiight, i'm gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies in the victorias secret catalog BZZZZT
sears catalog DING

xmikex said:

one of the best right there, love that scene

Yeti said:

alright alright! get this thing off of me! i don't deserve this kinda shabby treatment! BZZZZT

xmikex said:

I don't see how you could say that. What about that political episode in early 2003 where The Simpsons are thrown into the "Ronald Reagon reeducation center"? This episode is not only brilliant and hilarious but an incredible statement of free speech and dissent. At that time in this country, everyone was putting flags on their car and conforming themselves to a political homogeny unbecoming of any democracy. This episode was even before Howard Dean's primary campaign, so NOBODY at this point was standing up and dissenting about ANYTHING regarding, as Lisa perfectly put it, "this climate of repression and fear" (after she says that, everyone in town grumbles, ending with the Texan yelling "sit down, Saddam!").

I also love the moment in this episode where they do a dance number in the prison talent show to distract the guards so they can break out, and then a guard comes on the stage and, like he's a character in a play/musical, swoons: "They've escaped!". You kind of have to see that one though (like many of the best Simpsons quotes, the timing can not be communicated in print).

I don't know, I just don't understand all The Simpsons bashing (outside perhaps some episodes in the most recent season); I've been watching the show in syndication everyday, comparing old episodes and new, and there really isn't any drop in quality. The only difference is that the older episodes remind me of watching the show when I was growing up, and maybe that feeling is what everyone really misses.

xmikex said:

If all you remember are dildo jokes, you definitely missed the intelligent parts. Sex in the City was brilliant when it came to Carrie's articles/monologues, they were very clever uses of philosophy and metaphor to put intangibles like love and interpersonal relationships into perspective against more tangible parts of life (and vice versa). Those parts of the show are some of the smartest and best written television ever, and incredibly thought provoking. I think even if you want to take the perspective of "I'm a dude, I don't want to watch a show with chicks because I don't identify with them", there is still so much in it for us guys to learn about the female thought process, something that we need every bit of that we can get.

(I also want to point out that anyone who watches the TBS version has not seen the show, because they edit it to shreds.)

xmikex said:

Putting a show like this on the air was a huge statement, and a groundbreaking shift. I watched this series from beginning to end with my folks when I was growing up. However, I would not say that the writing was the most intelligent or even close, that wasn't the goal of the format. Most good 80's sitcoms were fun to watch, but none of them were remotely smart compared to the other shows we're discussing here, the writing was way more concerned with being accessible than being highbrow.

OK back on topic... there are a ton of awesome Lenny and Carl quotes, too.

Milhouse (stuck between two trees): Lenny! Carl! Can you help me!

Lenny: Sorry, we can't, we're ghosts now.

Carl: Our spirits live in those two trees.

Lenny: Or maybe we're still alive, and we just feel like jerking you around.

Carl: Or maybe we're one of each...

(They walk away)



Also, some of the show's best moments are a bunch of grumbling ending with a barely audible comment, often made by Lenny:

Adult Education Teacher: "See that car outside? They made one for me, one for Steven Spielberg, then they shot the guy who made it."

Classroom: *grumbles in disbelief and awe*

Lenny (barely audible): "wow, I'd hate to be in that union":

the goal of the cosby show was to put black people into a positive perspective. the episodes and dialogue were entertaining but didn't exactly send thought provoking political messages, aside from black people who actually don't drink 40z. shocker.

Ha, exactly.

ShadowSD said:

See that was what was great about The Cosby shows. It wasn't so much concerned with writing. It was about creating a situation and letting Cosby loose in it. His acting carried the show, and everyone followed him. Hell, half the time there wasn't even a plot, it was just Cosby fucking around.

ShadowSD said:

Personally I think the show was able to fake being intellectual by being so analytical. The meat and potatoes of the show, however (at least from what I've seen) is still really superficial, pretentious, involving characters I can't find any way to identify with. I've actually never heard a dude be so into Sex and The City and it's pretty interesting to hear. But when it comes down to it this show, to me just seems like a 60 minute day dream about what every Allston girl thinks she is.

xmikex said:

It's because of the way the show is presented and marketed. When my girlfriend originally tried to get me to watch it, I was like no fucking way, that's a stupid, superficial chick show, and Sarah Jessica Parker is a butt-ugly moron; she practically had to beat me to get me to give it a chance. I don't give a fuck about shoes or fashion or superficiality, but once you watch it for a while you see that that's not really the heart of the show at all.

See, what struck me as I entered into my first relationships as a teenager was that there was NO preparation at all for the amount of drama and craziness that a woman can unleash. Sure, couples have been depicted on TV forever, but they are never looked at in those terms. The relationships depicted in Sex in the City actually reveal how quickly a couple can go from total optimism to falling apart, and how little shit can take its toll on the best relationships. It also gives some perpsective on the seemingly crazy shit that women do.

its all about Rescue Me

i can't watch that show without picturing dennis leary singing "asshole" the entire time. it sucks.

i totally forgot that Denis Leary was the dad of the new kid on The Sandlot

xmikex said:

Oh Im sorry, did I offend you by bashing a friend of yours?
Fine, now were even then......dropped

Yeti said:

Fuck ya bro......my fav non hbo show.
Great show.

No Ralphie I like your grilled crayon sandwich.Can you taste the thumbtacks?

homer pointing to globe...
"You are gay"
(Uraguay)

Tip top notch!
Okily dokily.
Thankily dankily! mmmm...Great-ilicious!
Scrump-diddley-eriffic!
Fine and dandy like sour candy!

Ned: I've got family here from around the globe. Here's Jose Flanders.
Jose: Buenos Ding dong didlyos, senor.
Ned: And this is Lord Thistlewick Flanders.
Thistlewick: Charmed. [Ned nudges him in the back.] Eh, a googily...doogily.

Great quote. One minor correction...

anonymous said:

Jose: Buenos Ding Dong Diddly Dias, Senor.

This one probably isn't exact but close enough...


Homer: I was working on something, and I accidentally disproved the existence of God. (hands paper to Flanders and walks away)

Ned: Let me see here.... well maybe he made a mistake... nope, it's airtight! Can't let this one see the light of day! (Torches it)

powerkok said:

I knew I liked ya for some reason

I was just tryin to be nice and not have a lengthly arguement with some fuckin loser on the internet

dwellingsickness said:

Yeah that's the last thing anyone wants. Unfortunately "some fucking loser" brought it up again hours after the fact. We're on quotes now. If you want to bicker with somebody go steal your mother's bath pillow.

http://www.thesimpsons.com/index.html

Easy there pal, I did not see Powerkok's post were you 2 came to the agreement to drop it..So, whatever...I am done with you now

dick.

I'm not reading all this, but I saw the movie teaser the other day...can't wait.

i got a quote and its from the 2nd season: "Why you're the fattest thing i've ever seen, and i've been on safari!"

BEST SIMPSONS QUOTE EVER:

from the episode when Princple Skinner was caught making in the closet with Mrs. Krabappel and the town was considering re-hiring them after the fallout

Flander's wife: We're talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N
Krusty: Sex cauldron? I thought they closed that place down?

George Bush: ...Good memiours. Now! Let's have a look at that old out board, see if we can't rattle a few windows down Kennybunkprot next May.